I think now is a good time to talk about another mystery that has been the subject of my contemplations for as long as I can remember. Every vening, and at least twice a day, I am placed in a padded cell. It is made of wood but has pads all around the bars and it is guarded by four creatures that dangle above me… There is a pig named Widget, the duck is Quack, there is a frog named Flip and a rabbit who calls himself Blue ecause of his blue jacket. They taunt me relentlessly but fortunately I have a cell mate called Puff Bunny who is also a rabbit. He is a timid little
thing but we are very close friends and we talk about absolutely everything even if it’s the middle of the night. Recently we have been discussing the possible reasons that I am placed here on such a regular basis and so far the only reasonable explanation we can fathom is that it is some form of superhero training to sharpen my escape skills. The only problem with me escaping is that it seems there is some sort of sleep agent being used in my cell. No matter how much I protest, when I am placed inside, it is only a matter of time before I suddenly become unconscious and I don’t wake up until several hours later… so first I must build up immunity to this sleep agent and then I will be able to work on the art of escape. Fortunately Puff has already developed immunity and he watches out for me when I can no longer resist the pull of unconsciousness… which I am feeling right now as I speak… fading fast… but never fear… I shall return!
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This is a fun new segment I am adding to my blog and I hope everyone will get something out of it! As always, if you like what you read, please be sure to subscribe or share it with your friends. Also, just to let everyone know, I will be introducing Story Time podcasts in January 2013 where I will do readings of all the segments posted on my blog so please stay tuned!!
This Week’s Link Picks:
I have always been very confused about the term “literary voice” and this blog was extremely helpful. Thanks Adventurous Writer!!
With two small children, finding time to write creatively can be a huge challenge! This blog post had some helpful suggestions so I thought I would pass it along for all you other creative people out there!
I love Jon Acuff’s blog but this particular post was super encouraging to me!
In addition to my super serum I am fed variety of mushy substances with a device that I have been investigating for months now. Mom says the device is a “spoon”; Dad seems to believe it is some sort of shovel and Uncle Schmoe, of course, thinks it’s a radio antenna to contact his friends in outer space, which doesn’t make any sense to me. Personally, I find the device absolutely fascinating and it is my belief that it can be used to capture bugs and deliver them to Mr. Tiggles; so this week I determined to confiscate it. Yesterday morning Mom put me in my usual feeding mechanism and as was expected, brought the device along with a container of green mush. She opened the container and began to feed me scoops of the green substance, which I might say was absolutely repulsive. After about four or five servings I decided it was definitely time to retrieve the device. As soon as it came close to my mouth I reached up and grasped the handle with my super strong grip. Mom didn’t seem to understand that I needed to have it because she kept trying to take it away from me, but it wasn’t long before I over powered her. Once she was forced to let go, green mush went flying and landed directly onto her shirt. Mom, surprised by my victory, could only say “Oh, No!” and then went to the water spout to wash off the substance while I gloried in my triumph! However, my victory was short lived because when she came back she somehow weakened my super grip and took back the device. I was incredibly displeased. I tried to explain that I needed it for capturing bugs but she would not listen and once again I had no choice but to release a torrent of tears over my loss. I’m not sure if she nderstood my pain but I at least did my very best to communicate it to her… I suppose for now I will just have to think of some other method for delivering bugs to Mr. Tiggles.
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Mr. Tiggles is a frog who lives outside of my window where I frequently sit to contemplate life. We have become friends over the past several weeks and it turns out that he is actually a spy who keeps tabs on everything that happens in the outside world. He tells me the most amazing stories! However, this week I decided to enlist his help in gathering information about Ellie and Squirt. I explained to him that they had threatened to take over my domain and claimed it had somehow belonged to them before it belonged to me. Of course neither Mr. Tiggles nor I had any idea what they could be talking about but we agreed that we must find out and put an end to their sinister plot. He was very eager to accept the task because as it so happens, he has had several run-ins with the evil creatures himself… Mr. Tiggles says that anytime he is even close to their dwelling place, they try to capture and torture him for information about something called a “Cat” that apparently roams the streets outside. Anyways, the important thing is that we are now partners and in exchange for his services I have agreed to give him any bugs that I find… Apparently he likes to take of them personally.
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This week I visited the domain of Banana and Captain Pops. I can never tell if Mom is saying “My Nana” or “Banana” so I just call her Banana… she’s pretty cool and also provides me with an excellent command station that allows me to develop all of my super senses. Captain Pops lives with Banana and he is my flight instructor who takes me flying all over their domain on a regular basis. You see, since Mom and Dad seem to be opposed to me practicing flying at home I have decided to obtain instruction on the subject and perhaps I will eventually perfect my skills enough to practice without interruption. Anyways… also living with Banana and Captain Pops are four fluffy white creatures very similar to the creatures that live outside the portal at my home domain. However, I have come to discover that these particular creatures are actually friendly and are in fact excellent sources of information. Their names are Doo Dog (who speaks fluent Gibberish), Sweetness, Chubby and DumbDumb. The last one has questionable allegiance so I generally conduct all of my fact-finding conversations with the first three and this week I actually found out something rather useful. Doo Dog informed me that if I wish to effectively neutralize a confrontation with Ellie and Squirt then I should make a sound with my throat called a “growl”. I had never before heard of such a thing so I asked Chubby to demonstrate and I was amazed at the fierceness of the sound!!! I then decided to try it for myself and even though I still needed practice, Doo Dog said it was quite exceptional for my first try. Since then I have been practicing my growl diligently in order to be ready for any future confrontations… I even tried it on Banana and she seemed to think I was quite intimidating although afterwards she kept kissing my cheeks like she thought I was being cute or something… Oh well, I will just keep practicing.
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Here are the results for last week’s voting! Flying Practice and Bath Day tied for second place and Happy Pappy and The Grand Ma was the number one segment in the Secret Life of Baby No so far!! Thanks to all of you who voted, I always appreciate the feedback and stay tuned for more Baby No adventures next week… Thanks for reading!!
Today started out as an average day… Mom fed me my super serum, removed the stink bomb from my posterior which is another one of my many powers and then put me on the floor for me to do my exercises while she read something called a book. It was about then that I saw a small black object moving across the floor so I moved a little closer to investigate. It had six little legs and a round sort of body with squiggly things coming out of its head, which was very odd looking but I didn’t think it would be polite to say anything about it. After observing it for a few minutes I decided I should ask its name but before I could get the words out, Mom looked up and shouted “BUG!!” It was a bug! Fortunately Stinky Pants from the Nursery had told me that these bugs were in league with my enemies and I knew exactly what to do… Mom had begun searching for a suitable weapon, but I was already in action. I boldly approached the bug and said “Tell me all you know about the creatures outside or die!” “I’ll never tell you anything!” he shouted back. I had no choice then but to dispatch of him so I covered him in super spit and pened my mouth wide… Mom had found a weapon and was rushing over chanting my name “No, No, NO!” but I had already taken care of the situation and swallowed the evil creature. I knew I was her hero because she scooped me up in her arms and began patting me on the back. I tried to tell her it was all in a day’s work but I guess she was just too grateful.
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